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March 10th, 2008 12:52 am ha [ ] ha 4 Disclaimer

May 18th, 2007 1:43 pm FRIENDS ONLY. COMMENT AND I'LL ADD [ ] [ mood | geeky ] Am I loud and clear or am I breaking up? Am I still your charm or am I just bad luck? Are we getting closer or are we just getting more lost? Stephen Coletti here. I'm mostly known for that MTV show called Laguna Beach. Just comment and I'll add you back. 125 Disclaimer

February 4th, 2007 11:14 pm Superbowl Sunday [ ] [ mood | grateful ] I found myself flipping through old photo albums this morning. With a cup of black coffee in hand, I sat outside our porch flipping page after page, recalling the stories that accompanied each picture. I looked out into the beach, smiling and loving the fact that I was back home. It seemed like it had been forever since I had slept in my old bed even though it was perhaps just two or three months ago. Life has been marvelous these past months. Words do not really suffice. There is no word for what I feel when I wake up next to one amazing woman who just makes my life make sense. There is no phrase to describe what it feels like to have her smile at me just before we go to bed at night. There is no sentence that will clarify what it is like to watch her out in the yard playing catch with our dog, Jack. There simply are no words. And just like how I’ve felt and continue to feel, there is no mixture of letters that would describe today. Superbowl Sunday is a tradition in our house. Once the game is on, everybody is glued to the TV. There are no rules as to where one should sit or what one should eat. Food is already prepared that morning and if there is something that you might want that is not out there on the kitchen counter, you are more than free to raid the fridge and the pantry. The women are no exception to this tradition. In fact, the women in my family love football. Okay, I won’t go as far as saying the word love but they really do like it. Even though my mom is not as familiar with the rules, she still enjoys the game and cheers every time her team (which she usually determines by their jersey colors) makes it to the other side of the field. Hilarie is no foreigner to the game. With 3 brothers of her own, she was accustomed to the cheering and yelling this afternoon. The game was great, but more than that, the bonding was even better. My family sitting together with my girlfriend, exchanging taunts and bullying each other was a remarkable thing to see. Photos were taken as evidence that yes, all of us co-existed harmoniously. I am looking forward to getting those pictures back and adding it to our family photo album. The weekend seems so short. All the good things in life seem that way. Here we are on the red eye flight back to North Carolina. The weekend flew by so fast that I think I am still surprised at how we managed to pull off the weekend visit. Usually, my mom seems a bit sadder whenever I fly back home with Hilarie, but this time was different. This time it was different, it was my father. He gave me a long hug as if I lived on the other side of the planet. I think it’s one of those things that a father and a son would never fully express in words. I miss him and I know that he misses me. He probably would not go out there and say it explicitly as that but his hug said everything that his words did not. As I finish this up and look forward to the next two hours of peaceful sleep that I can get, I am simply thankful for the weekend. Despite how fast it was, or how much it makes me miss my family more, it was a great opportunity to bond and share a tradition with them. So I won’t sulk and wish I had more hours, I will simply look forward to the next time I see them again. Plus, I have tomorrow morning to look forward to, waking up next to her again. 29 Disclaimer

January 6th, 2007 1:24 pm Better late than never. [ ] [ mood | curious ] [ music | Dani California ] Everyone rings in the new year differently. Some people prefer to spend it alone, with perhaps a glass of wine, old photographs in hand, recalling what the previous year has brought into their lives. Others prefer to celebrate it with the company of others. Perhaps a little get together at the stroke of midnight or for the party goers out there, making noise in the streets of Times Square. But what holds true for all these people, the reserved and the loquacious is the fact that the new year brings new opportunities to everyone. Whether this involves forgetting painful memories of 2006 or simply waiting for that second chance, everyone somewhat gets a break. Of course, the definition of break isn’t synonymous. Ask your sixth grade gym teacher and your distant cousin and I guarantee that their answers will be slightly if not completely different. To one, a break may be that slim chance of being able to forgive someone for betraying his trust. To another, it may be the opportunity to relocate and find their future somewhere else, away from things that they desperately need or want to forget. Still others, it just becomes living life to the fullest, eating healthier, exercising regularly, spending less, etc. 2007 has been amazing for me so far and I don’t want to jinx it that yet so I’m very optimistic that this streak will continue. I’ve had a very relaxing break, spending time painting rooms and throwing Frisbees. And just when I thought things couldn’t get better, I get a call informing me that I get a chance to work with my girlfriend on her pride and joy, One Tree Hill. Now, that’s great news. I have yet to make a list of my New Year’s Resolution. I know, I know, it’s a little late for that but better late than never? I always find it easy to think of one, but actually writing it down and doing it is much harder. Have you ever had a resolution that you wrote down knowing fully that you wouldn’t be able to do it? Or have you ever had one thing that is the last thing you would ever give up? Tell me about it. Anonymous enabled. 20 Disclaimer

December 18th, 2006 6:25 pm Cruisin' [ ] [ mood | content ] I was going to delay this update until tomorrow when all my emotions get matched up with words, BUT someone; I won’t mention names, updated today, which sent my guilt over the edge, hence the update now. She’s pretty much described the reason for our absence. No, I did not get E. Coli from eating at Taco Bell or Olive Garden. Although, Hilarie and I did enjoy Calamari in Spain and Gnocchi in Italy. I think that woman is gifted with incredible metabolism. That or she is just a walking miracle. For the amount of food she eats, she has an amazing figure! (You thought I was going to be mean, didn’t you? :p) But hey, I’m not complaining. Just as my girlfriend so eloquently described already, we found ourselves in Europe for the first few weeks of December. I’ve been on a couple of cruises with my family, but never Europe. So, it was amazing to spend it with the one person that can stand me for more than 48 hours. It also helps that she shares my sense of humor. Making fun of all the names Istanbul had gone through would not have been as fun if she were not with me. And it also helps to know that if ever I ran into trouble with the authority, she’d either bail me out or at least join me and laugh at my misery for at least a couple of hours. Stunning sights and sounds greeted us in every single port that we found ourselves in. Of all these places though, I would have to say that Athens, Greece captured my heart. Hilarie saw my grin widen when I realized that visiting The Acropolis was one of our options and she graciously exchanged hours of shopping to accompany me to see the great ruins. The Parthenon is simply breathtaking. I can’t even fathom how many stories of failures and glories the walls could tell if only they could speak. From being a temple to a treasury, the Parthenon is an amazing symbol of Greek might, ingenuity, democracy and power. I wish we could have stayed longer but either way, I am extremely happy that I went and brought someone amazing with me as well. I think Hilarie enjoyed shopping in the Plaka. The hours of walking ceased from being a painful reminder at the sight of the shopping districts. Whenever I’d see something I think she’d love, either A) She has already seen it and is debating on whether or not to get it or B) She already paid for it. But at least I am getting better in judging what I think she’ll like or not. I’ve never been really good at buying gifts for anyone, more so for girls. Christmas is just around the corner. Most of our Christmas shopping is done. I think both Hilarie and I felt really productive that week before the cruise and decided to finish all the shopping then. Trust me, it was not an easy task. I would think of something and then I’d consult her then she’ll suggest something else and now here I am, torn between Possible Gift #1 and Possible Gift #2. Meanwhile, she’s thinking about Possible Gifts #3 and 4 already in case I couldn’t pick. I love the options available, I just wish there was an easier way too chose. I should’ve just tossed a coin or something. That or made a Venn diagram and compared pros and cons. Sigh. Too late. Damn hindsight. Had I been in the military, I think I would’ve been declared KIA by this time. I apologize for going MIA. The cruise was simply way too relaxing for me and I guess when I said I’m taking a break, I really meant a break. Sorry for going AWOL as well. I’m back now though and I’m all ears as to what everyone did during my absence. So go ahead and spill. 39 Disclaimer

November 22nd, 2006 12:41 pm Turkey Day [ ] [ mood | thankful ] The airports are crowded, the roads are congested and the grocery stores are packed. Sounds familiar? It’s that time of the year, Thanksgiving. For me, it means having my house packed with relatives and friends. The ages range from 6 months old to 82 years. It still amazes me how we all manage to co-exist for a period of time. Perhaps it’s the spirit of Thanksgiving working for us. As a little boy, I used to always be called to taste every single dish. I felt important and special, thinking that the fate of our dinner rested in my hands. As I grew older, I realized that they only did it so I’d stop asking, “When are we going to eat?” As I look back on it, I laugh at how naïve I was as a boy, to be able to think that my family’s happiness relied on me. But I look at it now and realize that it wasn’t a trick. The happiness of my big, noisy, Italian family was found in each other. It wasn’t particularly just in me of course, but I’m part of it. Our whole congregation if you might say, is only truly happy if every single member is happy as well. So even if Uncle Robert talks 24/7 about his new lawnmower and its features, we listen because it makes him happy. And even if my Aunt Jane takes 20,000 candid pictures (the ones that you would pay to not be seen by anyone else), we endure it because it brings her happiness and in turn that makes us happy. This year, I brought something and someone that makes me incredibly happy. Jack, our Golden Retriever pup was introduced to the family last Monday. He’s adorable and everybody showered him with pats and scratches behind the ears and his tummy. He reciprocated it with licks here and there. I was a little worried he’d be overwhelmed with all the people bustling in and out of the house, but he adjusted very well and we are proud of him. By we, I mean the other person who shares his heart. Actually, I think she’s ahead of me a bit. Jack’s more protective of her than me, which I really don’t mind. I love seeing her eyes sparkle when Jack runs up to her. Oh, and her early morning smirk when he proceeds to wake me and not her. It’s a tad bit unfair but I don’t think I’d trade it for the world. Even though I won’t be able to spend Thanksgiving dinner with her, I still love the fact that we managed to come up with a battle plan to be able to spend our free days with the people we love. My family adores her. I certainly hope that they haven’t asked questions that are deemed too revealing. They always end up doing that to whomever we bring to the pre-Thanksgiving affairs. Nonetheless, I’m just glad Hilarie’s here. It’s nice to show her my first home, where I grew up, and what I did growing up. We’re still learning a lot about each other and being here with her certainly beats and pictures and stories of mine about myself. I’m slightly bummed she’s leaving today, but I know that she’ll be happy to see her family so in turn I am overjoyed for her. I will rejoin her and Jack on Friday to see her family. I’m extremely excited. I want to be able to share everything with her and what’s better than getting to know the people that made her this incredible, strong and amazing woman. So as you ladies and gentlemen prepare the delicious feast that I’m sure will grace your tables, don’t forget the main reason for this holiday – giving thanks. Pause for awhile and be thankful not only for all the blessings that you’ve received but also the trials that you’ve endured. They’ve helped you become stronger and that’s certainly something to be grateful for. For without the rough times, we never learn to appreciate the good ones. Have a Happy Thanksgiving and stay safe. 48 Disclaimer

November 9th, 2006 2:32 pm If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. [ ] [ mood | curious ] Interesting fact of the day – 91% of us lie regularly. I think the most startling part about this is not the fact that 91% of the human population lies or has lied or will lie. I think it’s generally expected for people to lie. But what makes this so startling is the modifier regularly. This means that lying for these people is a habit almost. How ironic is that? If I were to list the characteristics of an ideal relationship, be it something on the platonic side or something more intimate, honesty would be in my top three. I think this holds true for most of the people as well. People value honesty. “Honesty is the best policy.” It stems from a fable, yes, but I do believe that people agree with it to some extent. Yet, we do it anyway. From a simple white lie about perhaps not doing your chores to monumental ones about affairs and embezzling money, you can see that one has an infinite number of opportunities to not tell the truth. Often times, people lie so as to not to hurt the ones they love, to shield them from the pain. I remember the first time I broke a glass. I was playing with the crystal clear glasses that were lined up neatly in our kitchen table. My mother always told me that things like those glasses weren’t toys. To a seven-year old boy, however, everything is a toy. I tried to make a pyramid out of them, like you would with blocks. I don’t know exactly what happened first, the glasses falling down or me knowing that I was in serious trouble. The sound of the glasses falling to the floor was earth-shattering and I knew that I couldn’t tell my mother what I had done. Being the resourceful kid that I was, although not a very smart one for I obviously did not listen to my mom, I tried to piece the broken pieces with clear tape. It looked like a masterpiece if you asked me, but of course, it wasn’t my mother’s beloved glass anymore. She came home that night and asked me if I broke a glass and naïve little me answered with a resounding “No.” I lied straight to my mom’s face. I’ll save you the story of the talk that followed and my TV-less days after that. What I can tell you was that the reason I didn’t tell her was because obviously I didn’t want to get in trouble first and foremost. But I think part of me didn’t want to disappoint her as well. I would’ve rather been cut by the broken glass, rather than have her say how disappointed she was in me, how hurt she was in what I had done. I lied perhaps because I didn’t want her to feel that way. Years have passed and I still think this is why people lie most of the time. They don’t disclose the full truth in fear that someone will get hurt or angry or upset by it. They would rather go through the trouble of making something up and having to watch what they say in order to not break that façade. People would rather make up something and stick to it, than to be honest and hurt another person in the process. In a way, it is admirable in that it can be seen as a selfless act. However, in my opinion it is so contradictory to what we want in our lives that it seems almost pointless. Isn’t honesty what we want? Isn’t it the value that we feel we deserve? Then if we expect it from others, why can’t we do it ourselves? Perhaps it’s because we don’t want others to hurt us in that way as well? I don’t know. I haven’t really figured out that part but all I know is that we usually lie because we’re uncertain of what the truth holds. Will it ruin our friendships? Will it end a relationship we’ve worked so hard for? It’s the fear and uncertainty that make us lie. As you ponder about why you lie, which I certainly hope you don’t do for long because I’m sure you have other things to do, remember this quote from Mark Twain. – “When in doubt, tell the truth.” 115 Disclaimer

October 22nd, 2006 11:18 pm Jealousy.... [ ] [ mood | sore ] [ music | Killers - Mr. Brightside ] Jealousy. Where does it come from exactly? Where does that feeling of hatred for an object or another person arise? Sometimes you know the person so it's almost logical to be jealous of them. Almost. I mean, at least you have a reason to be jealous if say you compared your lives to theirs or something or if you felt like they were stealing someone away from you. And then there are times when you have no clue at all about that person. None. Zero. Yet your blood boils at the sight of them or even the mention of their name. Hearing about them might just be as bad as well. Would you just please stop talking about so and so! Isn't that what runs through your head when you've become the green eyed monster that you once told yourself you would never be. Tears of frustration accompany jealousy at times. Perhaps physical anguish. You know, the ever so popular throwing things or punching the wall. But is jealousy ever good? The answer would be a no if I was talking to a girl who had an overly jealous boyfriend who makes a mental note of what she does 24/7 including a list of all the people she interacts with. I mean, c'mon, that's just borderline crazy. To make sure you knew where your partner was every single second of the day and who they're sipping tea with or who they're watching that movie with is just insane. So does that mean jealousy's bad? Not exactly. Jealousy's a manifestation of fear. It's a sign that you're scared of losing something or someone. Everybody gets jealous but it's just that we fall in different places of the spectrum. We might be the creepily jealous boyfriend/wife or we could be the non-chalant girlfriend/husband. The trick is to find that middle of the spectrum. In a relationship, sometimes you just have to be jealous and your partner has to see it. I'm not saying cry, whine and moan about it but express how you're feeling. Believe it or not, your partner will understand because chances are, they're jealous as well or they've been jealous. It seems that finding that mid-point is the key to tackling with jealousy. So, how jealous do you get? To what extent will you go to make sure that what's yours is yours? 26 Disclaimer

October 15th, 2006 4:23 pm [ ] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Bowling for Soup - 1985 ] The Guy in the Glass When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf, And the world makes you King for a day, Then go to the mirror and look at yourself, And see what that guy has to say. For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife, Who judgment upon you must pass. The feller whose verdict counts most in your life Is the guy staring back from the glass. He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest, For he's with you clear up to the end, And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test If the guy in the glass is your friend. You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum, And think you're a wonderful guy, But the man in the glass says you're only a bum If you can't look him straight in the eye. You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years, And get pats on the back as you pass, But your final reward will be heartaches and tears If you've cheated the guy in the glass. by Dale Wimbrow, 1895-1954 Often times, we do go about our daily lives trying to please other people. We go out of our way to make sure that we do what will make others happy, even if at times this is at our expense. I love the last stanza of the poem because it still holds true, decades after the poem was written. I guess it's but human nature to put other before ourselves. Is it human nature that also helps us pretend? I mean, we can go about each and everyday, masking our true feelings to others. We can pretend we're not hurting, that we're okay, that we've had a bearable day, all because we feel like we're such a burden to others if we reveal our true selves, even for a split second. Is it really so much easier to put on a happy face than to turn to someone and tell them that we're not okay? Perhaps in some instances, yes. And in others, no. Just know that at the end of the day, you can fool the whole world, but you will never be able to fool yourself. And just when you think you have your act down, look in that mirror and your reflection will tell you the truth. Just because it's a sappy Sunday 18 Disclaimer

October 4th, 2006 10:04 pm Two Days About which not to Worry [ ] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Falling By the Wayside ] There just are days when you question everything. Why you did this, why you did that, what were you thinking when you said this or what were you on we you decided to let those words slip out of your mouth. There are days when as if you can't forgive yourself for what you did just seconds before or years ago. There are times when you worry so much about the future that your judgment becomes clouded. I have days like these and whenever I feel lost, like when nothing in the past seems to make sense and the future looks as if it doesn't exist, I go back and read a little something that my dad gave me just before I entered high school. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is Yesterday -- with all its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone forever. Hopefully you learned something. The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow -- with all its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and its poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet to be born. Hopefully you will learn something. This leaves only one day, Today. Any person can fight the battle of just one day. It is when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities, Yesterday and Tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of Today that drives a person mad, it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring. Therefore, seize Today. Carpe diem. Use what you have learned from Yesterday, remember what you hope for Tomorrow, and make Today the best possible day. Today only comes once. - Martha White 34 Disclaimer

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